Nov 17, 2012

Night time seems to always be the hardest for me, always has been. 

I dont know if it has anything to do with being a woman, or just being me.

But night time is always when those little thoughts start to creep in, 

esp when you are laying there trying to fall asleep...bleh!

What if this happens, what can i do, why is this happening, blah blah blah

Your mind can do crazy things to you if you let it.

Im so thankful i have learned more about taking my thoughts captive!

the bible really does have an answer for everything...go figure right?!? ha

[only one more day till she is back safe in my arms! thank goodness!!

i tried to sleep in late this morning because i didnt have to be up to do anything.

but the quiet house just wouldnt let me sleep. the more i laid there to more i thought

the more i thought the sicker i felt, so i got up, solved that problem.]

 so my day today is going to be filled with good things. 

im going to get all my laundry done.

im going to catch up on some television.

 do some crafting.

maybe even organize my house...

maybe, lets not get to carried away =)

but i am going to find the good in everything, 

im not going to let this break me

not going to let this depress me 

not going to let this defeat me.

NOPE 

i am bigger and stronger than any situation.

 i have God on my side.

and He loves me and wants the best for me 

I am a child of the Most High! Praise God!!! =)

Have a beautifully blessed day.

Nov 16,2012

my name is kaytie graves, i'm not a writer, just someone who needs a place to share her feelings. i am a foster mother. my husband and i became foster parents nov 3, 2011. we got our first child nov 8, 2011 and still have her to this day. what a beautiful child she is, what a change she has brought to our lives. what an experience i wouldn't trade for the world! i love her so much as if she was my own birth child. she was only a small sweet beautiful 4 month old when we first brought her home. so all she knows is us. we are mommy and daddy. i think her being so small when we got her really makes this whole process a lot harder. because she doesnt understand why she has to go on visits each week. she doesnt understand why mommy is leaving her with a stranger. 

today is really the hardest day so far. today is the first time she has had an overnight visit. she will be gone tonight, tomorrow and i will pick her up sunday after church. ive never wanted a weekend to go by so fast before in my whole life! honestly im proud of myself right now. i havent cried since i dropped her off this morning, i assume i got all my tears out the days before. i trust that God has His hand on her and that His protection is all around her. i just wish i could be there, i wish she would be safe in her own bed tonight. but this is the road of foster care. the goal is "reunification" but to me, after 15 months of a child being in the system i think that reunification is crap! i know i signed up for this knowing that the goal was to reunify the family, but you fall in love, you become the mommy, you change every diaper, you wipe away every tear you give your whole heart to this child and they just come in and say well its time to go back?!?! 

its been a hard road, but like i said before, i wouldnt trade it for the world. each child we will bring in over our life as foster parents will be so special, each family we help in the process will be worth it. and ive learn in this year that nothing is over till its over, so just because she is away tonight doesnt mean she will be gone for good. i trust my Father in heaven knows what is best for her and in the end all i really want is what is best for her!